Silence

You’re so pretty when you smile.
Don’t be mad, anger isn’t becoming.
Be kind and happy. Always.
Don’t speak truth. No one wants to hear your story.
Don’t have strong opinions if you want lots of friends.
Don’t stand for something, no one will like you.
Wear this, put on a pretty face, be the kind generous woman we want.
Be everything for everyone and you will have love.
                                        ...they say.

I sit here in a life created by what everyone else says, and I am a prisoner.
Surrounded by friends yet alone forever.
I try to feel something, but the numbness has taken over.
I look at my reflection and see a familiar stranger,
                                        ...a tear falls.

Eyes burning. Tears fall like raindrops onto the pillow.
Chest tight. Body weak.
Silently screaming into the night,
no one can hear me now.
I cry out in silence for saving, but no one can hear me.
Time races by.
Fake happy face for all to see.
Waiting to return to my safe place of silent destruction.
                                        ...I break.

Over, and over, and over again.
Night after night. It feels never ending.
Until one morning, the sun rises.
                                        ...I can breathe again.

                                        Strength renewed.
I tear down the walls. The beautifully painted beige walls.
Once pleasing for all eyes to see.
Smash through with the rage of tormented madness.
                                        ...Ugly for all the world to see.

I walk out of this prison, barefooted, empty, stranger to myself,
somehow braver than I have ever been.
                                        ...Terrified.

Hands tremble, chest tight, rapid breath.
I stare into the mirror.
                                        ... Hello you.

I can finally see myself.
                                        ... Another tear falls.

Laughter fills the silence,
eyes squint, stomach contracts,
cheeks begin to hurt from this odd sensation.
                                        ... what is this sensation?

Birds begin to chirp; warm golden rays caress my skin in a new day.
This day is the same as yesterday, and completely new in every way.
                                        ... I begin to dance.

Everyone around me looks at me with envious confusion.
I can hear the words they use to try and keep me a prisoner.
                                        ... I choose not to listen.

For why I should listen. I cannot recall.
The feeling of freedom has overcome me.
                                       ... I feel.

This odd sensation I think may be passion.
I speak but no one hears me.
                                       ... I keep speaking.

I find my voice.
I find passion.
I’ve become beauty.
                                       ...My emotions fill me.

The eyes of my love look back at me.
For I have found peace.
I have found happiness.
I have found love.
                                       ... Finally.
                      I have become the love I seek.