Survivor Story

I WENT TO DENVER AND LEFT YOU THERE.

rape sexual assault gender based violence

If I was a song I would make you hear all the messages 
backwards, 
stepping in line 
with every man who said I write “just rape poems”

Dear past lovers, 
I went to Denver and left you there 
I am more than circle-jerking 
ritualistic abuse, 

You are phallic in nature, 
a bull I can ride until you are dust, 

I trapped every smile, every touch, 
every breath on my neck 
into one of lucidity and placidness, 

Your veins are circular in motion, 
ever-tangling into a rubber band ball of my own nightmares 
I will haunt you 
Over and over. 

Until your skin is pale, 
and your hands shake, 
and they beg to wake up 
Without your body so hot 
You could only assume you’re burning. 

I want to throw up the nothingness inside me, after headlock turns to handhold 
When I stare you need to realize 
I am only imagining your body lying on the ground, mouth wide open, as was mine.

  • Vesper, he/they

  • Vesper is an autistic cripple punk trans queer poet and occasional contemporary visual artist. In his spare time, you can find him haunting cemeteries and drinking so much tea. Their work is forthcoming in Transmuted Issue 12.

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