Start Again

Start with the joy. 
The togetherness.
The old friends, familiar patterns. 
The big-sister home-from-college joy.
Smile and laugh with your brother as he shares a first. 
Give advice. listen. laugh. 
Keep going.

Start with a friend you haven't seen in years.
A friend or a crush? 
Either way, you’re back home. So hangout.
Start innocently enough. 
Start in control. 
Start with coffee and cigarettes and laughter.

Start with curiosity and kindness. 
Drive your own car. 
Offer a ride home. 
Kiss him back.
Laugh it off. 
It’s time to go.

Start by saying you’ve got to get back. 
Start by saying they’re waiting for you.
Start saying you’ll be in town for a few days, 
Maybe you can hang out again soon? 
Start. 
Start when your heart stops. 
Start thinking it’s a game. 

Start the car. 
Start. When he grabs the keys out of the ignition. 
Stop. 
Sit in the car. Watch him go into his house.

Start after him. 
I can’t start the car without keys.
Stop.
This joke is going too far. 

Start asking.
Start searching for the keys.
Start kissing. 
Stop. 
Listen as the keys smack a wall. 
Thud into something soft.
Heart stops. 

Start backing out. 
Stop. 
Start laughing.
Stop. 
Start.
Please stop.

Stop.
I said stop.
Start anyway.

Stop!
Find clothes. 
Find keys.
Run. 
Get to the car.

Start. 
Start the car.
Drive.
Don’t stop.

Start again.