From a Queer Elder Survivor to you who might be beginning the journey of recovery:

Dear Friend,  
My recovery journey began in August 1992 when therapeutic services, and recovery literature, had started to come out of the “dark ages” but were not as robust and viable as they are today.
What I share in my little offering is somewhat terse, because the times and processes available, were somewhat terse. I am so pleased for you that services today are so vastly improved. 
Kristina

—

Never forget, 
No matter your fear or pain,
Or any chatter of the mind,
HEALING HAPPENS!

Read stories of recovery.

Find warm hearts who will listen.

Talk until there are no more words
And keep talking.

Keep feeling.
But do it safely.
In measured amounts.
Feelings can be like a run-away train.

My body discharged the pain in stages.
Your experience will be unique to you.

Go to any programs that might help:
Art, music, dance, sports.

BUT be always aware of how the experience affects you.
Leave promptly if overwhelmed.
Recovering is a tender time. Be gentle.

Deal with your addictions.
I went to 12 step programs and found
LOVE < SUPPORT < VALIDATION < RELIEF.  

Seek out qualified and experienced Therapists.
Listen closely, even if in pain and confusion,
to body, heart, and mind, 
when choosing the person. 

I did not.  But perhaps that was a path to learnings I needed.

Practice gratitude with every fiber of your being.
It keeps the lights on.

DO NOT GIVE UP! 

AND CRY! PLEASE CRY!
TEARS ARE ESSENTIAL!
QUENCHING OUR YEARNING SOULS!

On November 1, 2020, 33 years after a chance article in a magazine by a survivor, awakened me to my buried memories, and with diligent physical, emotional, and spiritual practice, a quiet feeling of acceptance, peace, and poignancy about my father came to me. 

Did I love my father?  He abused me. Did he love me? 

I love and continue to Iove. I too have been cruel. This is the human experience.

--
This work was originally published in Beneath the Soil Volume ii, a collaborative zine featuring artwork from queer survivors of sexual violence.